What If I’m Not Kool Enough?! 😎
No…that’s not a typo. I meant it to say ‘Kool’, because there was absolutely no way I could write this post without drawing upon Kool & The Gang!
Ever notice how quick we are to celebrate or cheer on friends, family, or even coworkers when they achieve something—even their smallest of wins?
We say things like, “That’s amazing!” or “You’re doing great!”, and often encourage them to keep going!
But when it comes to ourselves?
Typically the opposite, right? There is seldom any form of celebration (self, or requesting it from friends), and instead we take to criticizing every mistake and downplaying every accomplishment, at times even before we’ve taken the first step.
Why is that? If I can genuinely and enthusiastically celebrate my extraordinary friend and colleague; Candace, when she tells me about a recent ‘win’ within her Clinic, why can’t I equally celebrate one of my own?
Here’s a snippet of the Psychology of Self-Criticism vs. Celebration:
Truth is, our brains are wired to focus on self-preservation, and self-criticism is often a defence mechanism to avoid failure or rejection. It’s our brain’s way of keeping us “safe” by pointing out potential pitfalls or reasons we might not succeed. But here’s the kicker: while this might have helped our ancestors survive, today it often just holds us back.
When we criticize ourselves before we’ve even begun, we activate stress responses in the brain, making it harder to take action and form new habits. Meanwhile, celebrating others—or even ourselves—releases dopamine, which reinforces positive behaviours and motivates us to keep going.
Go figure! 🤷♂️
How to Flip that ‘uncelebratory’ script of yours
What if you could simply celebrate small wins like you would for a friend?
Imagine how you’d cheer on a friend for even the smallest progress (as I’d mentioned at the top of this post). Now apply that same energy to yourself.
Did you make it to the gym for just 10 minutes? That’s a win!
Finished one chapter of a book you’ve been putting off? Celebrate it!
Journaled your thoughts on taking a step toward a future you? Giddy up!
You deserve just as much recognition as anyone else.
I truly believe that.
And yet – on top of our inherent programming for self-preservation, I also believe that generations of us telling people not to be seeking praise, or in diverting from self-praise in public (read ‘arrogance’) has seeped over into our private time, and created an inability for us to even TRY to celebrate; even when there’s no one else in the room.
Conversely, would you ever tell a friend, “You’ll probably fail” or “Why even try?” Of course not (I mean, unless there was the potential for serious harm or death – and it was seemingly apparent that there’s just no way…but even then)!
And yet we say these above things to ourselves all the time.
We do this even though I’ve shared before how the language you use in your inner dialogue directly affects your mindset. Replacing self-criticism with encouragement, we have been able to monitor and measure how your motivation grows, and how self-assuredness increases.
A ‘High-Five’ To Mel
Mel Robbins, a renowned motivational speaker and author, addresses this very issue in her book, “The High 5 Habit.” In it, Robbins introduces a simple yet powerful practice: giving yourself a high five in the mirror every morning.
And for all of those with whom I’ve shared this book in-session, none have suggested it wouldn’t be wildly awkward.
Agreed.
While it may feel awkward or even silly at first, though, this habit is rooted in the science of positive reinforcement. The act of high-fiving yourself is a physical gesture of self-acknowledgment and self-encouragement, akin to the support we readily offer others.
Research suggests that this practice can have a profound impact on our brain chemistry. When we high-five ourselves, we activate the release of dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with feelings of pleasure and reward. This boost in dopamine not only elevates our mood but also reinforces positive behaviour, making us more likely to continue our days, pursuing our goals, meeting deadlines, moving on from criticisms, and more, all with renewed motivation and confidence.
By incorporating this simple habit into our daily routine, we can begin to shift our mindset from self-criticism to self-celebration, ultimately fostering a more supportive and empowering relationship with ourselves, and leading us back to the spirit of this article.
Shift from “All or Nothing” Thinking
Often, we feel like if we can’t be perfect, there’s no point in trying. But progress isn’t about perfection—it’s about persistence. You’ve heard this before, yeah? And celebrating the small steps forward is more important than achieving the entire goal right away. After all, every marathon begins with a single step, and after those first few steps in any marathon, you may decide that there’s another path you’d prefer to run…so don’t worry nearly as much about the final few steps over any finish line, and instead celebrate even the very thought about stepping off of that starting line in beginning something new and exciting.
Visualize Yourself as Already Successful
That last paragraph brought me here to your benefit. Visualization isn’t just daydreaming—it’s a tool to help rewire that amazing brain of yours. When you picture yourself succeeding, your brain starts to align with that image, making it easier to take action. This isn’t about “faking it”—it’s about priming your mind to recognize opportunities for success.
\And if you remember back to the earlier part of this article, I’d mentioned about how our brains are wired for protection and preservation, yes? Well, if we can ‘see’ where we’re going or what we want to be doing (life we want to be living, job or entrepreneurial endeavour we’d like to be excelling at, etc.) and we can see that it’s a positive likelihood, our brain can more easily accept a path to the outcome.
How many friends would you dissuade from accepting a confirmed lottery win? If anything, you’re going to not only encourage them to leave immediately for the Lottery Corporation’s office, you’re likely to offer to drive them!
And so too, our brains are less likely to save us from the big wins, if we see it in the future as if we’re living it now – and it’s amazing!
Practice Gratitude for Your Own Efforts
Not everyone buys into Gratitude, and that’s ok. To each their own, as we say. For those who are considering it, though, here’s what I would suggest:
Every day, preferably near(‘ish) the same time every day (for habit formation) take a moment to reflect on what you’ve done well. Don’t qualify it as ‘barely’ well, or ‘not quite’ well, or ‘very’ well, or ‘more’ well (you get the idea), just recognize it as ‘well’.
Even if you might consider it to be the smallest of small things, please write it down or say it out loud.
Gratitude isn’t just for what happens to us—it’s for recognizing our own strengths, efforts, and resilience. And continued gratitude for and/or of self creates a strikingly positive balance in mindset, and can play a major part in our celebrating what’s to come, as much as what has already been.
Fade to Kool & The Gang
Seriously, though…wouldn’t it be cool if I was THAT connected?! Sadly I am not (at the time of writing this article), but if you’d like, just let their 1 major hit; Celebration begin playing in your head as I wrap up this article, and then go celebrate something!
And hey, as a closer, let’s take a really quick look at the success of this song for them! Accord to an Onstage Magazine article from 2023 I came across, this “…was the band’s first and only single to reach #1 on the US Billboard Hot 100 (I hadn’t actually realized that).
So what were they celebrating?! Imagine if their song had, instead, been about beating themselves up for not yet having had a hit on the USBH100?! Wouldn’t quite have the same ring, nor would it have been as likely to have ultimately ranked a ‘universal anthem’, inducted into a hall of fame, etc.
If you’ve been too hard on yourself lately, let this article sit as your reminder to celebrate even the smallest progress.
What’s one small win you’ve had this week? Wherever you’re reading this posted – if there’s a comment section, please feel free to share your win, and let’s start celebrating YOU!